The Challenge of Special Needs Children and a Good Thing I Did Once

Being the parent of a child with special needs is a handful to begin with, but in an industry like real estate where we are often on call and our time and focus are overtaxed it can be an ordeal at times.

Yes; kids with challenges are our reason to succeed, but that phrase is not a magic wand that erases the stress of a logistical and emotional hurdle.

This is counterintuitive but I'm going to share what I did with my oldest son Luke that had zero short term career effects at the time but in the long run made a difference to him. Since we are only as happy as our least happy child, in work like real estate having happy kids is important.

Luke was diagnosed early with ADHD; he was about 10 at the time. He struggled with reading and was awkward socially, so by the time he was in 8th grade we had him tested for other learning disabilities. We suspected dyslexia. The results came back that he had dyslexia, but he was also diagnosed with what used to be called Aspergers, which put him on the autism spectrum, and dysgraphia.

This was rough news, but it also explained quite a bit. We were almost paralyzed with guilt for not finding this out sooner, but Luke himself was pretty bummed. On the plus side, we at least knew what to do going forward. The mystery was gone. But having a second child on the spectrum, while clarifying many things, was a bitter pill to swallow.

It became pretty evident that our feelings as parents needed to be subordinated to Luke's frame of mind. For some reason, the dyslexia hit him hardest. He wanted to be a naturally good reader. He wanted it to be easy. But it would take work, and he was crestfallen.

We live about 30 minutes from West Point. We visited the campus occasionally, and I knew something that might help. After school I put Luke in my car and we drove to the United States Military Academy. I walked him to the library, where a statue of General Patton stood.

Patton had dyslexia himself and struggled with his studies. The fact that they erected his statue next to the library was something of an inside joke there. As we walked past the library, I explained to Luke who Patton was, his place in American history, and how, despite his dyslexia, he had a statue erected on the campus for his accomplishments. I wanted Luke to know that he could make his mark on the world despite having his challenges.

He never forgot that day, and the fact that I took off from work to do this with him made an impact. Luke has never complained about the hours I put it, and he's always been a team player about my work commitments. It did many other things for our relationship, some far more important than work/life balance and I could go on about that as well. But overall, I seized the moment and I'm glad I did.

When your kids get kicked in the face by life, find your statue of Patton wherever that might be.